notion that our faith is neither prayers, nor a collection of
ordinances of varying importance, but something I could not name,
nor point to with my finger. Jacob, I thought, certainly knows all
about it; but I do not. All I could was to _feel_ it; so could
Anna. Otherwise she would not have called me Zhid, and would not
have hated me so much, in spite of seeing me break all the
ordinances of the Jewish ritual.

At times I thought that I and my comrades were captains in God's
army, that all His ordinances were not meant for us, but for the
plain soldiers of the line. They, the rank and file, must be
subjected to discipline, must know how to submit to authority; all
of which does not apply to the commanding officers. It seemed to me
that this was what the Holy One, blessed be He, had deigned to
reveal to us through the dreams of Jacob: there is another religion
for you, the elect. _You_ will surely know what is forbidden, and
what is permitted. . . .

Sometimes, again, I imagined that I might best prove true to my
faith if I set my heart against the temptation that Satan had put
before me in the person of Marusya. If I turned away from her, I
thought, I might at once gain my share in the future world. So I
armed myself against Marusya's influence in every possible way. I
firmly resolved to throw back at her any food she might offer me.
If she laid her hand on me, I would push it away from me, and tell
her plainly that I was a Jew, and she--a nobody.

So I fought with her shadow, and, indeed, got the best of it as long
as she herself was away. But the moment she appeared, all my
weapons became useless. She made me feel like one drunk. I could