But my own self seemed to have been totally forgotten and left out
of the account.

By and by the summer passed, and most of the following winter; and
in the Khlopov household preparations were made for some holiday, I
forget which. Those days of preparation were our most miserable
days in exile. When Anna was busy on the eve of a holiday, I could
not help remembering our own Sabbath eves at home, the Sabbath days
in the Klaus, as well as the other holidays, and all the things that
are so dear to the heart of the Jewish boy. That was the time when
I felt especially lonely and homesick; it was as though a fever were
burning within me. Then neither tears nor even Marusya's company
did me any good. I felt as if red-hot coals had been packed up
right here in my breast. Did you ever feel that way? I felt like
rolling on the ground and pressing my chest against something hard.
I felt I was going mad. I felt like jumping, crying, singing, and
fighting all at once. I felt as if even lashes would be welcome,
simply to get rid of that horrible heartache.

On that particular day Khlopov was late in coming home. Marusya
remarked that she had seen her father enter the tavern. Then Anna
began to curse "our Moshko," the tavern keeper. Marusya objected:

"Tut, tut, mother, is it any of Moshko's fault? Does he compel papa
to go there? Does he compel him to drink?"

Then Anna few into a temper, and poured out a torrent of curses and
insults on Marusya. I don't know what happened to me then. My
blood was up; my fists tightened. It was a dangerous moment; I was