giving you a chance of being victorious in an argument where there is no
contest, and a dispute where there is no difference; and then there
is--but we detest essay writing, so we introduce you at once to a party
of these vermin. If you wish to enjoy a curious sight, you must watch
the Toadeys when they are unembarrassed by the almost perpetual presence
of their breeders; when they are animated by "the spirit of freedom;"
when, like Curran's Negro, the chain bursts by the impulse of their
swelling veins. The great singularity is the struggle between their
natural and their acquired feelings: the eager opportunity which they
seize of revenging their voluntary bondage, by their secret taunts, on
their adopted task-masters, and the servility which they habitually mix
up even with their scandal. Like veritable Grimalkins, they fawn upon
their victims previous to the festival; compliment them upon the length
of their whiskers and the delicacy of their limbs prior to excoriating
them, and dwelling on the flavour of their crashed bones. 'Tis a
beautiful scene, and ten thousand times more piquant than the humours of
a Servants' Hall, or the most grotesque and glorious moments of high
life below stairs.

"Dear Miss Graves," said Miss Gusset, "you can't imagine how terrified I
was at that horrible green parrot flying upon my head! I declare it
pulled out three locks of hair."

"Horrible green parrot, my dear madam! Why, it was sent to my Lady by
Prince Xtmnprqtosklw, and never shall I forget the agitation we were in
about that parrot. I thought it would never have got to the Chateau, for
the Prince could only send his carriage with it as far as Toadcaster.
Luckily my Lady's youngest brother, who was staying at Desir, happened
to get drowned at the time; and so Davenport, very clever of him! sent
her on in my Lord Dormer's hearse."