"Lor' bless you, sir," she answered, "it wouldn't do me no good. I am
too old for that. Now, get out of the way there--do, you simpleton," she
added, turning to the idiot; "just let me pass--don't you see I am
wanting to fetch up water."

She left the room immediately, and her daughter ran after her, screaming
a wild and piercing note. I moved to the dying man. He was insensible to
anything I could say. Fretted and ashamed of myself, I hurried from the
house, and, returning home, rushed to my room, fell upon my knees, and
implored my Father to inflict at once the punishment due to lukewarmness
and apostasy. How vain had been all my previous desire to distinguish
myself--how arrogant my pretensions--how inefficient my weak attempts! I
was not worthy of the commission with which I had been invested, and I
besought heaven to degrade the wretch who could not speak at the
seasonable moment, and to bestow it upon one worthier of its love, and
abler to perform his duty. I passed a miserable night of remorse, and
bitter self-accusation, and in the morning was distracted by the
battling feelings that were marshalled against each other in my soul.
Now, a sense of my unworthiness was victorious over every other thought,
and I resolved to resign my trust, and think of it no more; then the
belief in my election, the animating thought that I was chosen, and must
still go forward or stand condemned, hated by myself, rejected by my
God;--this gained the mastery next, and I was torn by sore perplexity. I
appealed to my benefactor. As usual, balm was on his lips, and I found
encouragement and support.

"I was yet young in the faith," he said, "and the abundance of heavenly
grace was not yet manifested. It would come in due time; and, in the
mean while, I must persevere, and a blessing would unquestionably