shake my _own_ unbounded reliance on their saving efficacy and heavenly
origin. It was only when _I_ spoke of them, when _I_ attempted to
expound and teach them, that clouds came over the celestial truths, and
the sun's disk was dimmed and troubled. The moment that I ceased to
speak, light unimpaired, and bright effulgence, were restored. It was
enough that I could feel this. Grace and a miracle had made the
startling fact palpable and evident. This assurance followed easily. No
oral communication could have satisfied me more fully of the importance
and necessity of an immediate resignation of my trust. It was a
punishment for my presumption. I should have rested grateful for the
interposition which had rescued me from the jaws of hell, and left to
others, worthy of the transcendent honour, the glorious task of saving
souls. What was I, steeped in sin, as I had been up to the very moment
of my conversion--what was I, insolent, pretending worm, that I should
raise my grovelling head, and presume upon the unmerited favour that had
been showered so graciously upon me? It remained for those--purest and
best of men, whose lives from childhood onward had been a lucid
exposition of the word of truth--whose deeds had given to the world an
assurance of their solemn embassy; it was for them to feel the strength
the countenance, and support of heaven, and to behold with gratitude and
joy their labours crowned with a triumphant issue and success. This was
the new train of feeling suggested by new circumstances. I resigned
myself to its operation as quickly as I had adopted my previous
sentiments; and, a few days before, I was not more anxious to commence
my sacred course than I was now miserable and uneasy until I turned from
it once and for ever. Mr Clayton had placed in my hands a list of
individuals whom he transferred to my care. It was oppressive to know
that I possessed it, and my first step was to place it again at his
disposal. The interview which I obtained for this purpose was an
important one--important in itself--marvellous and astounding in its