Now that the affair was about to float into oblivion, he became
aware of the fact that it had weighed most heavily upon him.

And he began to feel ashamed.

He, a man who, by virtue of his name and of his wealth and, if he
would be bold, by virtue of his intellect, was able to live in some
noble and distinguished way--he passed his time with banalities that
were half sordid and half humorous. These things had their place.
Youth might find them not unfruitful of experience. They degraded a
man of forty.

If these things filled his life to-day, then the years of training and
slow maturing had surely gone for nothing. And what would become of
him if he carried these interests into his old age? His schoolmates
were masters of the great sciences, distinguished servants of the
government, influential politicians. They toiled in the sweat of their
brows and harvested the fruits of their youth's sowing.

He strove to master these discomforting thoughts, but every moment
found him more defenceless against them.

And shame changed into disgust.

To divert himself he went out into the streets and landed, finally, in
the rooms of his club. Here he was asked concerning his latest
adventure. Only a certain respect which his personality inspired saved
him from unworthy jests. And in this poverty-stricken world, where
the very lees of experience amounted to a sensation--here he
wasted his days.