had put his office stamp on her tummy and hoped it wouldn't rub off.

The C.O. pronounced Matilda to be moderately clean. As she was
conducting the trumpeter back to "A" Company she fell into a vat of
by-products near the mess hut. She couldn't be washed again, as the
Quartermaster had already written three scathing chits about the
previous use of depôt disinfectant. Matilda spent the night licking
herself clean in the detention cell.

The staff of "A" Company loved Matilda in spite of the fact that her
conduct was prejudicial to good order and military discipline, and that
she constantly used abusive language to her superiors. Even the Company
Sergeant-Major loved her. He might have loved her still, but ... and
that's the story.

Brown was the depôt nuisance. He had a conduct sheet filled up in red
and black, and his entries would have been even more numerous if he had
not possessed a great gift of cunning. He had had several passages of
arms with the C.S.M. of "A" Company and had emerged unscathed more than
once.

On the occasion of this story Brown was being tried for using abusive
language to a superior officer, to wit, the said C.S.M. The abusive
language consisted of one very striking epithet. The charge was read
over to Brown, and the C.S.M. was called upon to give evidence. He
stepped smartly forward. Matilda loitered between his legs ... and then,
I regret to say, the C.S.M. applied the same epithet to Matilda that
Brown had applied to him.

The case was reluctantly dismissed, and Matilda is out of favour with