***

Mammoth marrows have been reported from several districts, and it is
now rumoured that Sir DOUGLAS HAIG is busy developing a giant squash.

***

An official report states that there are three hundred and forty-three
ice-cream shops in Wandsworth. Unfortunately this is not the only
indication of an early winter.

***

A potato closely resembling the German CROWN PRINCE has been dug up
at Reading. This is very good for a beginning, but our amateur
potato-growers must produce a HINDENBURG if we are to win the War.

***

A woman walked into a shop at Cuckfield and settled a bill sent to her
twenty-four years ago, but it is not stated whether she was really
able to obtain any sugar.

***

The R.S.P.C.A. grows more and more alert. A man who hid three and a
half pounds of stolen margarine in his horse's nose-bag has just been
fined five pounds.

***