"Where did you sit?" asked the waiter.

"What has that to do with it? I believe I sat by the window."

"In that case," smiled the waiter, "the explanation is simple. We always
serve customers by the window large portions. It's a good advertisement
for the place."


"Advertising costs me a lot of money."

"Why I never saw your goods advertised."

"They aren't. But my wife reads other people's ads."


When Mark Twain, in his early days, was editor of a Missouri paper, a
superstitious subscriber wrote to him saying that he had found a spider
in his paper, and asking him whether that was a sign of good luck or
bad. The humorist wrote him this answer and printed it:

"Old subscriber: Finding a spider in your paper was neither good luck
nor bad luck for you. The spider was merely looking over our paper to
see which merchant is not advertising, so that he can go to that store,
spin his web across the door and lead a life of undisturbed peace ever
afterward."


"Good Heavens, man! I saw your obituary in this morning's paper!"