The student who, studying for the ministry, took chemistry because it
was obligatory in the course, replied, "I would administer the
sacrament."




APPEARANCES


"How fat and well your little boy looks."

"Ah, you should never judge from appearances. He's got a gumboil on one
side of his face and he has been stung by a wasp on the other."




APPLAUSE


A certain theatrical troupe, after a dreary and unsuccessful tour,
finally arrived in a small New Jersey town. That night, though there was
no furore or general uprising of the audience, there was enough
hand-clapping to arouse the troupe's dejected spirits. The leading man
stepped to the foot-lights after the first act and bowed profoundly.
Still the clapping continued.

When he went behind the scenes he saw an Irish stagehand laughing