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[Illustration: The G.O.M. Illuminated by a Ray of Sunlight (Soap).]

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PAUL PRY IN THE PURPLE.

(_EXTRACTS FROM LETTERS FOUND IN A GERMAN POST-BAG._)

_TO A BISHOP._

It has occurred to me that your sermons are not quite as good as
they should be. You do not seem to grasp your subject with sufficient
strength. I have not time to come to listen to you, as I have other
pressing engagements, and consequently write from hearsay. Still, I
believe I have good reason for my strictures. However, that you may
have an excellent example upon which to model your discourses in the
future, I will myself visit your cathedral at a near date, and occupy
your pulpit. I will wire ten minutes before I arrive with my sermon.

_TO A GENERAL._

I congratulate you upon the success of the recent manoeuvres. Nothing
could have been finer than the manner in which the entire Army saluted
me on my approach. Perhaps the bands might have played the National
Anthem half-an-hour longer or so, but for all that, the effect was
excellent. And now I have got a really splendid idea. And you must
help me. I want to order all the troops to another part of the country