without telling their officers, and then, when they least expect it,
you and I will order a general assembly. It will be such a joke to see
the commanders when they appear on parade without any soldiers! They
will be so surprised! And sha'n't we laugh! But mind, not a word to
anyone until we have had our fun. As an old soldier who has deserved
well of his Fatherland, I rely on your discretion.

_TO A THEATRICAL MANAGER._

[Illustration]

I was at the performances in your play-house the other evening,
and, as I told you at the time, was not at all satisfied with the
representation. I informed you that when I had time I would jot down
my complaints, and I am now keeping my promise. I don't like the
costume of the Tragedy Queen--her heels are too high and why does she
wear gloves? The Low Comedian does not make the most of his part.
He has to walk about with a band-box. Now why does he not seize the
opportunity to place it on a chair and sit upon it? This would have a
very comical effect. I have seen it done, and it made me laugh.
Please let him sit upon the band-box for the future. If he sits down
accidentally the effect will be heightened. It will be very funny.
By the way, let all the box-keepers give programmes free of charge to
officers and ladies under forty. I shall soon be at the theatre again
to attend a rehearsal. I will wire ten minutes before I come, so that
you may have proper time to call your company together. Till then, you
incompetent sausage, you can enjoy your Lager and pipe in peace!

_TO A DOCTOR._