"Father, what is a convalescent?"

"A patient who is still alive, son."


Young M.D.--"Well, Dad, I'm hanging out my shingle; can't you give me
some rules for success?"

"Always write your prescriptions illegibly and your bills very
plainly."


MOTHER (after visitor had gone)--"Bobby, what on earth made you stick
out your tongue at our pastor? Oh, dear!..."

BOBBY--"Why, muvver, I just showed it to him. He said, 'Littul man,
how do you feel?'--and I thort he was a doctor!"


An Irishman coming out of ether in the ward after an operation,
exclaimed audibly: "Thank God! That's over!" "Don't be too sure," said
the man in the next bed, "they left a sponge in me and had to cut me
open again." And the patient on the other side said, "Why they had to
open me, too, to find one of their instruments." Just then the surgeon
who had operated on the Irishman, stuck his head in the door and
yelled, "Has anybody seen my hat!" Pat fainted.


Dr. A., physician at Newcastle, being summoned to a vestry, in order