to reprimand the sexton for drunkenness, dwelt so long on the sexton's
misconduct as to draw from him this expression: "Sir, I thought you
would have been the last man alive to appear against me, as I have
covered so many blunders of yours!"


DOCTOR (to patient)--"You've had a pretty close call. It's only your
strong constitution that pulled you through."

PATIENT--"Well, doctor, remember that when you make out your bill."


A quack doctor was holding forth about his "medicines" to a rural
audience.

"Yes, gentlemen," he said, "I have sold these pills for over
twenty-five years and never heard a word of complaint. Now, what does
that prove?"

From a voice in the crowd came: "That dead men tell no tales."


_See also_ Bills; Remedies.




DOGS