week," said she.

"Roses are easy," replied he. "This week I'm going to send around two
tons of coal and a rib-roast."


LANDLADY--"That new boarder is either a married man or a widower."

PRETTY DAUGHTER--"Why, ma, he says he is a bachelor."

LANDLADY--"Well, I don't believe it. When he opens his pocketbook to
pay his board he always turns his back to me."


"Hicks promised to give his wife a dime for every one he spends for
cigars."

"How does it work?"

"First rate. You see we meet every day and he buys me the drinks and I
buy him the cigars."




DOMESTIC RELATIONS


HUSBAND (newly married)--"Don't you think, love, if I were to smoke,
it would spoil the curtains?"