"Don't you enjoy your meals?"

"Enjoy my meals?" snorted the indignant dyspeptic. "My meals are
merely guide-posts to take medicine before or after."


"Dyspepsia seldom kills anyone," said Akinside, "but--"

"No," returned old Festus Pester. "It makes them so talkative that
everybody else wants to kill them."




EATING


_If We Didn't Have To Eat_

Life would be an easy matter
If we didn't have to eat.
If we never had to utter,
"Won't you pass the bread and butter,
Likewise push along that platter
Full of meat?"
Yes, if food were obsolete
Life would be a jolly treat,
If we didn't--shine or shower,
Old or young, 'bout every hour--
Have to eat, eat, eat, eat, eat--