"See the yard-boss. We'll start you in at forty."--_Life_.


When James A. Garfield was president of Oberlin College, a man brought
for entrance as a student his son, for whom he wished a shorter course
than the regular one.

"The boy can never take all that in," said the father. "He wants to
get through quicker. Can you arrange it for him?"

"Oh, yes," said Mr. Garfield. "He can take a short course; it all
depends on what you want to make of him. When God wants to make an
oak he takes a hundred years, but he takes only two months to make a
squash."


Doubtless the old woman in this story from the London Post will now be
able to enlighten her husband on a troublesome subject.

"Doctor," she inquired of a country physician, "can you tell me how it
is that some folks be born dumb?"

"Why--hem!--why, certainly, ma'am," replied the doctor. "It is because
they come into the world without power of speech."

"Dear me," remarked the woman, "just see what it is to have a physical
edication! I'm right glad I axed you. I've axed my old man a hundred
times that there same question, and all he would ever say was, 'Cause
they be.'"