"I left my money at home," said the lady on the train to the
conductor. "You will have to trust me. I am one of the directors'
wives."

"I am sorry, madam," replied the conductor. "I can't do that, even if
you were the director's only wife."




BILLS


COLLECTOR--"Did you look at that little bill I left yesterday, sir?"

HOUSE MEMBER--"Yes; it has passed the first reading."


Daniel Webster was once sued by his butcher for a bill of long
standing. Before his suit was settled he met the butcher on the street
and, to the man's great embarrassment, stopped to ask why he had
ceased sending around for his order.

"Why, Mr. Webster," said the tradesman, "I did not think you would
want to deal with me when I've brought suit against you."

"Tut! tut!" said Mr. Webster, "sue me all you wish, but for heaven's
sake don't try to starve me to death!"