"My doctor told me I would have to quit eating so much meat."

"Did you laugh him to scorn?'"

"I did at first; but when he sent in his bill, I found he was right."


TOMMY--"Why do the ducks dive?"

HARP--"Guess they must want to liquidate their bills."


Bill Sprague kept a general store at Croyden Four Corners. One day
he set off for New York to buy a lot of goods. The goods were shipped
immediately; and as Bill had lingered in New York sightseeing, they
reached Croyden Four Corners before him. The goods in an enormous
packing-case were driven to the general store by the local teamster.
Mrs. Sprague came out to see what had arrived and, with a shriek,
tottered and fell.

"Oh, what's the matter, ma'am?" cried the hired girl.

Mrs Sprague, her eyes blinded with tears, pointed to the packing-case,
whereon was stenciled in large black letters: "BILL INSIDE."


When you do not intend to pay a bill there is nothing like being
decisive in your refusal. The other day a bookseller had an "account