23. I had no sooner thus conceived in my mind, but, suddenly, this
conclusion was fastened on my spirit (for the former hint did set
my sins again before my face), That I had been a great and grievous
sinner, and that it was now too late for me to look after heaven;
for Christ would not forgive me, nor pardon my transgressions.
Then I fell to musing on this also; and while I was thinking of it,
and fearing lest it should be so; I felt my heart sink in despair,
concluding it was too late; and therefore I resolved in my mind I
would go on in sin: for, thought I, if the case be thus, my state
is surely miserable; miserable if I leave my sins, and but
miserable if I follow them; I can but be damned, and if I must be
so, I had as good be damned for many sins, as be damned for few.

24. Thus I stood in the midst of my play, before all that then
were present: but yet I told them nothing: but I say; having made
this conclusion, I returned desperately to my sport again; and I
well remember, that presently this kind of despair did so possess
my soul, that I was persuaded I could never attain to other comfort
than what I should get in sin; for heaven was gone already, so that
on that I must not think; wherefore I found within me great desire
to take my fill of sin, still studying what sin was yet to be
committed, that I might taste the sweetness of it; and I made as
much haste as I could to fill my belly with its delicates, lest I
should die before I had my desire; for that I feared greatly. In
these things, I protest before God, I lye not, neither do I feign
this form of speech; these were really, strongly, and with all my
heart, my desires: The good Lord, Whose mercy is unsearchable,
forgive me my transgressions!

25. And I am very confident, that this temptation of the devil is