59. GENERAL BUTLER AND THE SPOONS

While General Butler was delivering a speech in Boston during an exciting
political campaign, one of his hearers cried out: "How about the spoons,
Ben?" Benjamin's good eye twinkled merrily as he looked bashfully at the
audience, and said: "Now, don't mention that, please. _I was a Republican
when I stole those spoons._"


60. MAKING MOST OF ONE'S CAPITAL

[One should always make the most of his capital, as this orator did.]

"Fellow-citizens, my competitor has told you of the services he rendered in
the late war. I will follow his example, and I shall tell you of mine. He
basely insinuates that I was deaf to the voice of honor in that crisis. The
truth is, I acted a humble part in that memorable contest. When the tocsin
of war summoned the chivalry of the country to rally to the defense of the
nation, I, fellow-citizens, animated by that patriotic spirit that glows
in every American's bosom, hired a substitute for that war, and the bones
of that man, fellow-citizens, now lie bleaching in the valley of the
Shenandoah!"


61. MEETING HALF-WAY

[But the following man could get even more out of an unpromising
situation.]

"Now, I want to know," said a man whose veracity had been questioned by