to my retreat, the little attic which had witnessed so many scenes
in my turbulent SADHANA. {FN10-3} After a two-hour flood of tears,
I felt singularly transformed, as by some alchemical cleanser. All
attachment {FN10-4} disappeared; my resolution to seek God as the
Friend of friends set like granite within me. I quickly completed
my travel preparations.

"I make one last plea." Father was distressed as I stood before him
for final blessing. "Do not forsake me and your grieving brothers
and sisters."

"Revered Father, how can I tell my love for you! But even greater
is my love for the Heavenly Father, who has given me the gift of
a perfect father on earth. Let me go, that I someday return with
a more divine understanding."

With reluctant parental consent, I set out to join Jitendra, already
in Benares at the hermitage. On my arrival the young head swami,
Dyananda, greeted me cordially. Tall and thin, of thoughtful mien,
he impressed me favorably. His fair face had a Buddhalike composure.

I was pleased that my new home possessed an attic, where I managed
to spend the dawn and morning hours. The ashram members, knowing
little of meditation practices, thought I should employ my whole
time in organizational duties. They gave me praise for my afternoon
work in their office.

"Don't try to catch God so soon!" This ridicule from a fellow
resident accompanied one of my early departures toward the attic. I
went to Dyananda, busy in his small sanctum overlooking the Ganges.