whether a man has lived morally or not, since Faith or lack of Faith is
the one condition upon which so-called Salvation depends!

The next thought was this: It is only in the writings of Kierkegaard, in
his teachings concerning paradox, that Christianity appears so definite
that it cannot be confused with any other spiritual trend whatever. But
when one has to make one's choice between Pantheism and Christianity,
then the question arises, Are Kierkegaard's teachings really historic
Christianity, and not rather a rational adaptation? And this question
must be answered in the negative, since it is possible to assimilate it
without touching upon the question of the revelation of the Holy Ghost
in the shape of a dove, to the Voice from the clouds, and the whole
string of miracles and dogmas.

The next thought again was this: Pantheism does not place any one
unconditional goal in front of man. The unbeliever passes his life
interested in the many aims that man, as man, has. The Pantheist will
therefore have difficulty in living a perfect ethical life. There are
many cases in which, by deviating from the strictly ethic code, you do
not harm anyone, you only injure your own soul. The Non-Believer will in
this case only hardly, for the sake of impersonal Truth, make up his
mind to the step which the God-fearing man will take actuated by his
passionate fear of offending God.

Thus was I tossed backwards and forwards in my reflections.


XVIII.

What I dreaded most was that if I reached a recognition of the truth, a