"It did not trouble me, Mrs. Wilkins," I replied, "in this particular
instance. It was my determination never to see that umbrella again.
The young man behind the counter seemed suspicious, and asked where I
got it from. I told him that a friend had given it to me."

"'Did he know that he had given it to you?" demanded the young man.

"Upon which I gave him a piece of my mind concerning the character of
those who think evil of others, and he gave me five and six, and said
he should know me again; and I purchased an umbrella suited to my
rank and station, and as fine a haddock as I have ever tasted with
the balance, which was sevenpence, for I was feeling hungry.

"The haddock is an excellent fish, Mrs. Wilkins," I said, "and if, as
you observe, we listened to all that was said we'd be hungrier at
forty, with a balance to our credit at the bank, than ever we were at
twenty, with 'no effects' beyond a sound digestion."

[A Martyr to Health.]

"There was a gent in Middle Temple Lane," said Mrs. Wilkins, "as I
used to do for. It's my belief as 'e killed 'imself worrying twenty-
four hours a day over what 'e called 'is 'ygiene. Leastways 'e's
dead and buried now, which must be a comfort to 'imself, feeling as
at last 'e's out of danger. All 'is time 'e spent taking care of
'imself--didn't seem to 'ave a leisure moment in which to live. For
'alf an hour every morning 'e'd lie on 'is back on the floor, which
is a draughty place, I always 'old, at the best of times, with
nothing on but 'is pyjamas, waving 'is arms and legs about, and